In Week 3 of my Postnatal Pilates class our topic is “Let’s Talk About Sex (after) Baby.” The reasons most women don’t want to have intercourse or don’t enjoy intercourse can usually be broken down into 3 main categories:
Under the umbrella of Emotional Factors, I like to point out the difference between sexual accelerators and sexual brakes, terms I learned from Emily Nagoski’s book called Come as You Are (did I mention how much I love my job?!)
Sexual accelerators are sexually relevant stimuli in your environment.
Basically, what turns you on?
These vary from person to person and can include things like: bubble baths, candles, seeing a partner help with chores, watching an intimate love scene on TV, etc, etc.
Sexual brakes are things in your environment that tell your subconscious to turn OFF. Think bad breath, body odor, a long to-do list (see Perfectionism Blog next), sounds from the baby monitor on your bedside table, crushing the tiny nerves in your foot by stepping on a lego on the way to your lovemaking bed, etc.
Your goal is to identify what is a sexual accelerator and what is a brake for you and then create an environment where you can turn on the ONS and turn off the OFFs.
Remember that arousal is what happens between your ears not between your legs. When you really just can’t get yourself in the mood, then pull out your inner Female Dragon Fly and fake your own death.
In a post by ScaryMommy, she references a research study where female moorland hawker dragonflies were witnessed crash-diving to the ground while being pursued by a male. She goes on to joke, “Apparently the thought of torpedoing herself into the Earth seemed like a better option than having sex.” If you’d like to learn more about channeling your inner dragonfly, click here.
If you’d like to learn more practical ways to get yourself in the mood, while learning some Pilates moves that are safe for your Postpartum body, consider joining my next Postnatal Pilates class!