Unlocking Puberty: Navigating the Journey from Boyhood to Adulthood with Carrie Koziol
I put up a strong resistance to teaching my Puberty For Boys Workshop for years. I know that’s a strange way to start off a blog designed to be a “humble brag” about a program that people rave about, but I like to keep it real and I’m nothing if I’m not honest. It’s true. I am a Women’s Health Physical Therapist who prides myself for staying in her own lane.
When I wanted to branch off to teach Prenatal and Postnatal Pilates, that made sense. When I flew out of the country to become a Diastasis Rectus Abdominis and Core Restore Specialist, that wasn’t a stretch. When I started my Mom and Me Menstruation program to educate young menstruators (and their trusted adults) about puberty and menstruation, I felt qualified. The principal of a private school here in town asked me to bring my menstruation course to her students, and the response from the kids and parents was overwhelming so she asked me to teach the boys about their bodies as well.
SCREECH!!!
Say what????
Teach boy bodied people how their bodies work?! I didn’t have the hardware that went along with that conversation. This didn’t feel like it was in my lane. So I said no. I told her I would teach the boys about how girl bodies work, and I did. I taught them how to support girl-bodied menstruators, and one of the students went home that night and told his mom what he learned, and how amazing the female body was, and she called the principal the next day to thank her. And once again, she reached out: Won’t you please teach a boy class?! Nope. I dug my heels in.
My menstruation workshops were getting really popular, and the moms that attended that class asked if I had something similar for their sons. I stayed in my lane and once again explained that I was a Women’s Health Specialist and didn’t have the hardware that went along with that conversation.
But you know what I did have? Two sons and a vision of the young men I wanted to send out into the world. Young men who understood how their bodies worked and how female bodies work. Young men who knew the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Young men who understood that consent was more than about listening for the absence of a “no.”
I felt that familiar fire inside of me that I get right before I start to develop a new program.
But this wasn’t on my list of things to do this year. And wasn’t this the Dad or male father figure’s job anyways?
While it can be, most women told me their husband’s idea of “the talk” was some version of be sure to wear a condom, use the brain in your head and not the one in your pants, and “no means no.”
Our sons deserve better, and in that moment, I knew I was going to be the one to contribute to the conversation.
So I did what I always do when designing a new program. I entered research mode. I signed up for ALL the workshops. The funny thing about the workshops is that you couldn’t attend alone; you had to have an age-appropriate child with you. Thus began a year of dragging my sons to every workshop in the country and drumming up new bribes to sweeten the pot for them. Luckily, most of them were online. They would fight about whose turn it was to sit through the workshop with me. Good times. I read books and then shared them with my boys to get their take on the lessons. Dinner table conversations became dominated by dialogue about puberty. Don’t get me wrong, there were eye rolls and sighs and constant complaints. I persevered, And, as the universe has done my whole life, I received a clear sign that this was the path I was supposed to be on. I was offered and accepted a job to teach Comprehensive Sex Education to students in 5th-12th grade. I learned more about what our kids think they know, what they want to know, and what they truly need to know than I could have in any research journal or workshop.
After teaching this workshop in person a few times, I knew I wanted to make it accessible for people all over the country and beyond. Putting it in an online format was the next best step.
What Even Is Puberty?
I like to keep it simple. Puberty is the name for the process of going from a kid body to an adult body. When you’re finished growing, you’re done with puberty and this usually happens in the mid teens to early 20s.
I’m a sucker for a theme, and I love talking about the male body like we talk about cars. If you owned a car, you would get a fancy owners manual that told you all about the parts of the car, what they do, and when they might need a tune-up. Talking about our bodies should be just as natural. And there’s no starting line for puberty. Some people are the first to take off, and some people are the last to cross the finish line, and then there’s a bunch in the middle of the pack.
Hormones
In Module 1 of my Puberty for Boys program I talk about the physical changes they can expect during puberty, and it’s impossible to have this conversation without first talking about hormones. Hormones can be hard to wrap your mind around but I like to think of them like mail delivery trucks. They deliver messages from your brain to other parts of your body, helping them to do their jobs. The changes that every body can experience in puberty include changes in height, weight, acne, body hair, and body odor. While boys experience more voice changes than girls, girls can have some changes there too. And while girls develop breast buds, boys do make small amounts of estrogen and may notice an enlargement of one breast or the other, mostly felt as a small pea-sized ball under one or both nipples.
Penis, Penis, Penis
Yes, there will be giggles. Sometimes from the parents too!!! The only thing my son remembered from his 5th grade puberty talk in school was that some students were removed from the class and taken to the office for laughing. Laughing is a coping mechanism for topics that are uncomfortable, and in this country, talking about body parts is usually uncomfortable so laughing is allowed in my programs.
Sidenote:
I try to use pictures and plastic models to illustrate the body parts I want to teach about and I always share this funny story about my plastic male pelvis model. It was several years ago when I was just getting started with teaching these workshops, and I wanted a visual aid to go along with my presentation. So I went to the spot you would go to when looking for such a thing…Amazon of course. It just so happened to be the same day my son used my Amazon account to order a new microphone for his gaming system. Approximately two days later, a package arrived on our porch and we both went running out to retrieve it. He’s faster than I so he reached the package first and tore it open. Imagine the look on his face when he lifted out the plastic penis model instead of his microphone!!!
As I try to remind the class participants, if you own the part you deserve to know what it is called and what it does. After we identify the 3 parts of the penis and the 2 jobs of the penis, we talk about how erections will become a much bigger part of their life in puberty. I teach them how they get them, why they get them (sometimes for no reason), and what to do if they have one at an inconvenient time (there are a few tricks but mostly you just have to wait). I define terms like masturbation and orgasm and ejaculation. If you find yourself clutching your pearls at this part, it’s not your fault. There is a cloud of shame around these conversations in our culture that does not belong there. These are natural body functions like pushing the accelerator of your car and it’s important to position ourselves as askable adults when it comes to topics such as these.
Testicle Trivia
Next we talk about “test”icles and I “test” their knowledge with a little trivia. Do you know what testicles are factories for? Sperm! And sperm are picky little roommates that don’t like it too hot or too cold which leads us into a fascinating discussion about the scrotum. Your car has a thermostat to help control the temperature in your vehicle, and the scrotum is like the thermostat for your sperm making sure they’re not too hot and not too cold. Fascinating! We finish out this module talking about the other parts like the epididymis (fun to say!) and the prostate and the seminal vesicles, and the urethra which is a highway with 2 passengers that will never meet.
Over the years there have been some brave kids that have asked great questions. But most kids are too embarrassed to ask questions. During my sex ed teaching, I used an anonymous question box so kids could drop their questions in without fear of being ridiculed. I spend a brief moment in the next module answering some of those commonly asked questions.
Girl Bodies
It’s at this point in the program where we make a little pit stop. Half the people on the planet own a girl body, and I think it’s important for boys to learn a little bit about how girl bodies work. So we’ll spend some time talking about the puberty changes that are the same for every body. Just like testosterone is the hormone responsible for changes in a boy body, girls experience changes as a result of the hormone estrogen, and getting a period is one of those changes. We’ll talk about how girls manage their period blood. Some products are designed to go on the outside of the body and some products catch the period blood from inside the vagina. I’ll do a little show and tell of period products and talk about some ways they can support menstruators including avoiding making fun or joking about it.
What is Sex?
I do my best to give a simple but thorough explanation without getting “in the weeds.” Kids are curious and they want to know. If they’re too embarrassed to ask you, they will find a place to search that is less judgmental, and that’s called Google. We know what they find there may not be age appropriate or medically accurate. Plus there’s something called the Law of First Mention. This refers to the fact that kids often take the first way they learn about something as “gospel” even if it’s not the right way. Trust me when I tell you that we want to be first and loudest. Here’s the explanation I give: Sex can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. It can be touching yourself for pleasure or joining with a consenting partner. But most of the time we are referring to the erect penis being inserted into the vagina. Sex is one way that babies can be made but it can also be a pleasurable thing to do when you’re in a healthy relationship after obtaining consent and discussing ways to prevent pregnancy and make it safer by protecting one another from sharing sexually transmitted infections or diseases. Sex is intended for grown ups and just because your body is capable of making a baby after puberty doesn’t mean you’re ready to be a parent! It is completely normal to be curious about bodies and sex. The best place to get information is from a trusted adult, like the one who signed you to this workshop today. We all want this time in your life to go well for you!
Crushes, Consent, and Healthy Relationships
Crushes are bigger feelings or different feelings than the ones we have for family or friends. I like to describe how crushes can feel in your body (racing heart, butterflies, sweaty palms). It’s normal if you have crushes in puberty and it’s normal if you don’t. This is a great opportunity to talk about consent. Most kids understand the basic concepts of consent to be comparable to getting permission from another person. But there’s actually 5 components of consent that need to be present each and every time. I know this can seem confusing but at this point, I remind them that they have been using their brain and their body to make decisions for a while now. In a way, they’ve already been “test driving.” I illustrate this by doing a few activities. One is called the Handshake Activity and the other is the Park Bench Project. Next we talk about the 3 key qualities of a healthy relationship. And that’s it; we’ve reached the finish line!
Here’s What Moms Are Saying About the Workshop
"Carrie’s class is a must for those of parenting young boys. After witnessing what little, surface level information my oldest son was given during his school’s fifth grade puberty education class, I wanted to do better for him and my younger sons. Fast forward 2 years and Carrie, per usual, comes to the rescue with a class that has given our family a springboard for other conversations about “all the things”. Her style of delivery is fun, interactive and real. She kept my 10 year old engaged over zoom and gave me a sense of peace knowing that I knew exactly what information he was receiving and how we could keep the conversation going for years to come. Carrie…you have given my boys and I the gift of open communication and for that I thank you ❤️ "-Leena
"I thoroughly enjoyed the workshop to discuss puberty with my 10-year old son, his friends and their moms! I sincerely appreciated the way Carrie presented an overwhelming amount of information in ways that were manageable and appropriate. I have been bugging Carrie for a program like this for young boys ever since she led a class for my daughter because I knew she would provide information in ways my husband wouldn't (at least in the same way that I thought topics should be covered!) The information and topics covered by Carrie are all important and she does it in such a dynamic and welcoming way that everyone is able to keep up and absorb. Plus, this is a shared experience--not only for a mother and her son(s), but also moms bonding with other moms and the boys bonding with other boys. I have zero regrets about paying for this opportunity and thank Carrie for normalizing puberty and what's to come for our little men! "Thanks, Diana
BONUS Adults-Only Content
While that wraps up my child-centered learning for this workshop, there is a bonus parent-only containing content for mature audiences only. After teaching this workshop for many years, parents often reached out afterwards to say that their child had follow up questions they didn’t feel qualified to answer. Or they would say that this workshop inspired additional conversations (my hope and prayer!) they weren’t sure how to tackle. In this bonus ADULTS ONLY section I address topics like consent, masturbation, and pornography. In our culture, these topics aren’t mainstream discussion points and are often considered “taboo.” They’re certainly not something that most people feel comfortable discussing with minors. And as someone who has taught sex education to grades 5th-12th, I can tell you the research does not support the claim that comprehensive sex education that addresses these issues leads kids to experiment in risky sexual behaviors. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Kids exposed to quality, age-appropriate, anatomically correct sexual education engage in less risky sexual behaviors and delay first experience with sex. But I do understand that this is a charged topic with strong opinions surrounding it. If this isn’t your cup of tea, no hard feelings, simply skip this module.
What I’ve Learned
Here’s what I’ve learned since starting to teach the Puberty for Boys workshops. Our young boys are curious about how their bodies work. They’ve perhaps been exposed to conflicting messages from social media or friends or other resources. They WANT to learn about this sort of information (despite eye rolls, and heavy sighs, and words of resistance), and they want to learn it from a trusted adult. I may have been resistant to teaching this information at first because I didn’t have the hardware that went along with the conversation. But what I do have is a passion for puberty, the experience of being a mom to two teenage boys, and a sense of humor that allows me to have fun teaching this material. It’s an honor and a privilege to help you get the conversations going, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting me with this important topic.
